Saturday, January 1, 2011

Parenting-the Doubled Edged Social Sword

Sometimes I feel like being a parent is socially doubled edged sword.  It's not as prevalent now as it once was, but it's definitely still a blessing and a curse, socially.  Through being a mom, I met my best friend, Nicole, who I cherish and may not have bonded so closely without our children, but at the same time parenting has limited who I have the ability to befriend.
On one hand, parenting has forever bonded me with a large group of women, this elite group of women were basically out of reach for me before having children because moms do tend to keep to their own kind. Always giving me an "ice breaker when meeting new moms and giving me a crutch when I meet other moms.  You can open nearly every mom's heart with a compliment about their child! 

However, when we moved away from my best friend I endlessly tried to meet new friends and was basically been unsuccessful.  I had moved to LA before I was pregnant and had an array of friends ranging from pre-preggers, preggers, and parents.  They were very different types of friends, but they were all truly blessings.  I had met some through work, some through hobbies and then I started meeting mommy type people.  They each added their own spice to my life and to my child's life. 

Then, living in WV the only thing I had ever been was a mom and although I am abundantly blessed to be a mom, it's not all I am and it limits the scope of people I meet.  The main groups I had to pull from were mom groups, and I only found a couple of people that I liked and that liked me.  It's so difficult to meet friends when you're a stay at home mom.
So many moms are competitive or they want to complain about how hard it is to be a stay at home mom or to complain about how their husbands don't help...well, that's not me!  I love my children whether they are the first or last to do things, whether they are the "best" or not.  I think being a stay at home mom is the best job I've ever had and although I get super stressed, having two little lives depend on me, I have nothing to complain about!  And, as far as my husband goes...I cherish him, he helps me so much and is so supportive and understanding!  By not being willing to participate in those competitions or complaints it limited my friend options even more!

Once we left WV and moved to IN I had a little more experience making friends as a mom so I felt like it was a bit easier.  I have learned that I must first bond with the moms of the group and then branch out and get to know other people.  My kids need friends and this is the time in their lives that I get to choose their friends and I need to use it wisely!  Hadley is starting to get to the age where she's making her own friends and I'm just getting to know their parents and that's an adjustment. 

There are still invisible walls around befriending non parental types but I'm working through those too.  Now I'm dealing with the realization that I'm no longer a "young adult" when the heck did that happen?!?

1 comment:

  1. I know exactly what you mean about not being a "young adult" anymore! I recently said to one of these young people :) when they had a gathering, "Oh, young adult group? Why wasn't I invited?" Ha ha! I meant it as a joke & it was taken that way, but I walked away realizing, for the first time, that I'm not seen that way anymore!