After a long, emotional weekend I'm trying to get back to my brand of normal. My heart still aches for my friend and she and her family are still constantly on my heart but I have to keep going. I can't focus, solely on their tragedy and they wouldn't want me to. In an effort to get back to normal, I'm trying to figure out what that means...
Sunday-Church, taught 2 year old Sunday school, barely heard a good sermon, had lunch and small group, came home and dozed through Despicable Me (again!)
Monday-MLK day so no school! Straightened the house, went to Chuck E Cheese with friends, lunch at Chick Filet with the same friends, gave the kids a loooong bath. Made a barely edible dinner from a new recipe (yuck!) promptly threw the recipe in the trash along with the leftovers, made delicious chocolate chip cookies with the girls! Hung out with the kids some more til bedtime then put the kiddos to bed and watched the Bachelor with Shawn (via AT&T and FB) till Bob came over with HOA business. Slept on the couch because Keith had to be at work at 3am!
Tuesday-Back to school for Hadley, Lydia went to preschool. I bribed Lydia into submission then dropped her off at school, went to Goodwill (spent and insane amount of money!) had lunch from Jimmy Johns, watched an hour of reality TV, listened to "I LOVE THE 90's" while cleaning house. (Thank you Vanilla Ice for the booty shake vacuuming!) Made a yummy dinner of homemade tomato basil soup and grilled cheese. I had a memory of Shawn making fillet of pb&j and started to share the humor but didn't know if it was appropriate. (I've turned into one of "those" people who don't know how to act...) Now I'm hanging out with the kiddos till basketball practice.
So, I guess this is normal! I've felt a little subdued and melancholy all day but that will pass too and eventually life will go on. It feels so harsh to say that or think it but as crass as it is, I guess it's true.
I've tried to use this as an example that we aren't promised another day with anyone and I've been more patient with the kids and definitely less selfish. For example, at bedtime the other night instead of rushing them to bed (as I have a tendency to do because I'm tired!) Lydia asked if we could look at the stars. So, we turned the star nightlights on in both girls bedrooms and laid in each of their beds looking at the stars and telling star stories. That was so much better than rushing to get a bath or sitting on the couch watching tv or reading. Keith's accountability group has vowed to reconnect with their kids and that's a blessing. We're all trying to take this as a lesson and I pray that we do, but I also pray that it never takes a tragedy to show us how much we love our families.
So, as I try to figure out what normal means, my new normal is to cherish and thank God for EVERY SINGLE MOMENT I have with my children, the good ones, the hard ones, and the ones where I want to pull my hair out. They are all blessings and I will forever look at them that way!