No Words

I've been plagued with this question all day...

Why are there no words at times you need them the most?

I have a very dear friend who is going through the most horrific thing I can imagine.  My friend lost her daughter this week.  Her beautiful five year old princess passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly.  Even as I type that sentence I cry and my heart aches.  My whole body hurts for my friend and her family. 

I spoke to Shawn today and when I saw her number on caller id on my phone, I prayed..."God, please let me say the right things, or at least keep me from saying the wrong ones."  Because, even I know, there are no right things to say now.  There is nothing I can say, do, think, or pray that will make this better.  As I listened to my friend talk I struggled to say something, anything that might make her life a little less painful, even for a second.

She is holding together even better than can be expected, but she knows that at some point the calm will go away.  I pray that God protects her  when that time comes. 

Marissa was born November 11, 2005.  The day after my nephew.  I was sitting at Bach Lunch when I got the call that she had made her grand entrance to the world.  I was giddy!  Shawn was my next door neighbor and our friendship went beyond borrowing a cup of sugar, which I did more than once, and into being amazing friends!  We had been pregnant together when I was pregnant with Hadley she was pregnant with Joey.  Then, almost immediately, she got pregnant with Marissa.  Shawn always said her OBGYN gave a discount if you had your babies within two years of each other.  I still don't know if that's true or not but she lived up to the challenge.

When Mike and Shawn were deciding on names for Marissa, Mike liked the name Amber and Shawn told him "no way, that name looks way too good in lights."  Shawn told Mike he had one job and it was to keep her off the tables and the polls!  I remember a few other names but was relieved when they decided on Marissa.

When Shawn would bring Marissa over or I would go to her house, if I dared pick her up, Hadley would get super jealous!  It always made me laugh because Hadley was such a daddy's girl and I would tell Shawn, "see what's coming!" because Keith would walk through the door and Hadley would forget anyone else was in the room.  It did come true, Marissa was just as much (if not more!) of a daddy's girl as Hadley is!

My first two years of being a mom, my memories are intertwined with Shawn's life and the prep, planning and 1st year of Marissa's.  I haven't been around Marissa in years but I know she was quite a spit fire and I'm saddened that we won't get the chance to see her set the world on fire.

I'm praying for Shawn and the entire family.  They are a great family, full of love, and I pray that God pulls them through this. 

I will leave by copying part of the obituary because it described Marissa better than I ever could.

She was a little diva who loved dancing and playing dress up. The rough and tumble side of Marissa allowed her to keep up with her brothers, and enjoy being outdoors playing soccer. Marissa's smile was sure to brighten the day and light up any room. She will be missed dearly by her family and friends