I have a real hate of passive aggressive behavior. I mean, it makes me want to punch someone in the nose, seriously. There are very few things that make me angrier than a passive aggressive attack, however, I occasionally catch myself in the middle of a passive agressive battle.
In life we all have disagreements with people we love (and people we don't!) and I'd much prefer to just hash it out and be done. Punch me in the nose and let's walk away friends! That's how boys do it, right?!?
As women it's much more difficult than that. We have to get mad, be emotionally injured, tell someone who's not involved about it, replay it over and over in our heads, then launch an attack. In the end, a friendship may or may not be salvaged and will forever be damaged. It's painful, pointless, and tiring, yet we do it over and over again!
I shared with a friend when she "hurt" me. I told her what hurt, why it hurt, and how it hurt. I thought we'd worked it out. She apologized, I apologized, we went on our way as if nothing happened. And there was the problem...as if nothing happened.
Well, something did happen and we should have learned from it but we didn't and that's too bad. Since then, this friend has done the same thing to me as before and instead of going through the process again, I ignored it and played it out as I described earlier in the blog and I am relatively certain that our friendship is not only damaged but probably destroyed.
I, finally, apologized and assumed everything was okay, forgetting about the cycle we'd completed and the damage that was done. The crack in our friendship progressively got worse until it is seemingly destroyed.
I walked away, cried a little, mourned the loss, and moved on but then the passive aggressive attacks began finding their way into my life. I first said something that was perceived as a passive aggressive attack (I PROMISE, it wasn't geared toward this friend in any shape, form, or fashion but she believes otherwise.) and a passive aggressive counter attack was launched. (Or at least that's how I feel-who knows).
But, this time, as I started to react (and I had quite the zinger prepared!) I caught myself and I prayed.
I said "God, please help me here. I'm feeling way too much pressure from way too many sides and I'm getting ready to make a bad decision. I can feel it. Please, God, don't let me take this farther than it already is, please don't let me make it worse."
And, He didn't. I kept my catty reply to myself and although the friendship is still damaged pretty bad, God kept me from destroying it completely. We may never be the friends we once were and I'm sorry for that, but I can now walk away without shame.
James 3:6 says: And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell.
It doesn't matter which translation you read, it all sounds bad! Women fight with our words (tongues) and they are a powerful weapon. Without even a thought, our tongues can destroy friendships, hurt lives, and scar us forever.
My goal is to eliminate passive aggressive behavior from my repertoire and to bridle my tongue better. Praying for help really worked (who knew!) and I'm trying to slow down and remember that! If I will let Him, God will help! And, if by chance the "friend" I'm referencing reads this-I'm sorry. I truly am.