Hang in there, I'm trying.
I love you and I'm sorry I'm pushing you away. I appreciate you and I'm sorry I can't show it sometimes. I miss you but I can't be there right now.
I struggle this time of year and I finally understand it. I didn't know why, for the first two years, but I'm starting to now. I'm trying to to figure out how to manage it but I haven't been able to yet.
I'm in my own head right now and I'm searching for a way out. It takes all of me to hold it together for my babies and I just can't do that for anyone else yet. I'm exhausted.
I wait for March 5th, yearly, so I can hit that cancer free milestone and each year I keep it together a little longer, before I fall apart. I'm getting stronger and cancer is getting weaker. I've been holding my breath for the past month and I'm trying to breath again.
Please don't give up on me. I'm trying.