On March 5th I had a surgery to remove the cancer from my leg. I've never been so scared as the week building up to that day. Despite the positive results I kept getting, it had only been a week and that's a lot to take in within such a short time. The doctor was so confident that this would be easy and successful. I pretended I was, while freaking out and praying nonstop!
I have spent two weeks trying to pretend none of this is real. I wake up in the night confused, I wake up in the mornings surprised by my leg. I can't sleep at night but during the day, it's all I want to do. This is definitely the hardest thing I've ever gone through and I truly feel like an exposed nerve. Every emotion I have is on high intensity. I want to laugh and praise, and I want to cry hysterically, or I want to scream and hit something. I never know which emotion is going to come out of me or when. Its getting a little better each day, but I have no doubt that this will take time and prayer.
I'll write about this experience a lot in the upcoming days. I'm recovering from a big surgery and can't get out of bed and it's very cathartic for me. I'm obsessed with this right now and it consumes my days so it's only natural that I'll be sharing it as much as possible.
Even though I spend most of my days trying to forget this ever happened, I know there will come a day that I want to remember this. I'm trying I document everything. I want to make sure I can remember the emotions, the sounds, the smells, every detail. This will forever be a part of me and someday I'll want to know the details of the experience that changed my life forever.
The surgery went very well. They sent tissue to the lab to test for residual cancer cells and they talked about microcells and the possibility of radiation but God is good and everything came back clean. There is NO cancer in my body any longer. There will be no more surgeries and no need for radiation. God turned my wailing into dancing!
We went yesterday 3/10/13 for my post op appointment. It went much smoother than my last one! The doctor was actually excited to come talk to me. With the type of cancer I have, they rarely get to give good news. I read that there are 300 cases diagnosed each year and usually by the time it's caught, its too late. This type of cancer often travels to the lungs and by the time its discovered, there are multiple tumors and its often inoperable. The doctor explained this to us and excitedly told us what a miracle it was that we caught this so early. Given the time frame, the size, my health, and his mad operating skills, there is a less than 10% chance of recurrence. He said he doesn't even believe the odds are that high with me!
Where do we go from here?
Well...I spend the next week in bed and on crutches.
On March 20th (which is Keith and my 14 year anniversary) I will have the 22 staples removed from the huge incision sight.
I will continue to get scans, every 3 months, for the next five years.
We will monitor my health with a little different approach.
I will live my life with a new appreciation and understanding.
I will praise God for the good times and the bad and I'll know how bad the bad times can be.
I'll be reminded daily, by the massive scar on my left knee, that even the bad days are BLESSED days.