Tuesday, April 10, 2012

To Take Shots or To Not Take Shots (Progesteron-Part 1)

I'm going to say something shocking for anyone who knows me, so brace yourselves if we're friends in real life.

I'm pro choice.

That doesn't mean I'm pro abortion.

I think people should make the right choices.  I'm conservative, I'm republican, and most of all I'm a Christian.  People should choose to do the right thing and I want to reiterate that I do NOT think abortion is the right choice.

Today I went to my OB appointment, and for anyone who doesn't know, I'm pregnant and due August 2012.  Back in January when I went to the doctor for the first time, the doctor and I went over my history (of having two preterm or early deliveries) and he suggested I do some research and decide whether or not I'd be interested in getting progesterone injections to prolong this pregnancy.  He told me I'd need to start them around 16-18 weeks and continue until approximately 37 weeks.  He explained that there are basically no side effects and can prevent spontaneous labor.

I did my research, I googled the heck out of it.  (yay google!) 
The list of "no side effects" include:
-depression-that should make this hormonal roller coaster even more fun!
-constipation and headache-sound fun, huh!
-fatigue-again, great timing since I'm growing a human and already exhausted
-weight gain-great timing; throw on another hundred pounds!
-acne-seriously, I'm already obsessively fighting that battle
-feeling hot-add that to the pregnancy hot flashes and I may spontaneously combust
-soreness at injection site. Since everything else is already hurting, I might not even notice this one
-weekly injections-enough said

The three that are highlighted are from mayoclinic.com quoted on the livestrong.com site, which I consider both to be pretty reputable.

At my last appointment I told my doctor (his partner actually) that I'd decided not to take progesterone and he said okay, made some notes and left.  Needless to say that when the topic was brought up again today by my doctor, I was a little surprised.  When the topic was pushed, I was offended, and when we were leaving and Keith said to me "he almost sold me on progesterone," I was hurt and angry.

This is the part where I realized why I'm pro choice.  This is MY BODY.  How dare these two men sit in agreement telling me why I should inject something into my body and why their opinions are equally as important as mine in this decision.  Yes, my doctor is the one who's educated on this, and Keith is the father of the baby, but this is still MY BODY.

I had already made my decision and voiced it to everyone who needed to know and I thought Keith agreed.  My opinion is that the doctor had no right to push his agenda on me, and I told this to Keith.

He said "I think he really believes in what he's telling you."

I replied, "I'm not saying he's trying to hurt me, I'm saying I disagree.  You are in sales, you know it's easier to sale something you believe in.  One of the reasons you're so successful at your job is because you truly believe you're selling a superior product, so it's great that he believes in it, I just don't."

I left the doctor in tears.  I was mad at Keith, my doctor hurt my trust, and I now feel like the most selfish woman to ever carry a baby-all because I don't want to take weekly progesterone shots.

Today felt like he drew a line and asked me which side I was going to be on.  On one side, we have weekly progesterone shots that "basically have no side effects."   Or on the other hand, have a preemie who may or may not live, and will definitely require a NICU stay for who knows how long.

So, do I go against my beliefs and instincts and give in or do I risk my child's well being and hold onto my faith in my body to do what it was made to do, and my faith in God to protect us?

I was at peace with my decision, the stress of actually deciding was over, I was enjoying the freedom of this pregnancy.  Today, my doctor took all of that away from me and left me with two choices that will make me equally afraid during this pregnancy and no matter what decision I make, I will be worried that it was the wrong one.